To many people Facebook is a tool to announce what they are doing or what they have done, yet to some Zambians, it is being used as ‘Agony Aunt’ from which they are seeking advice on many social problems affecting them.
Facebook seems to have filled up the vacuum that Zambians newspapers have failed to fill up. For starters, Zambian newspapers do not have the luxury of space to provide such a service as most of them only go up to 12 pages comprising both editorial and advertising content.
Editorially, the pages are divided into two to three news pages, a business page, a foreign page and a features page, which also carries the editorial and letters columns and one or two features, and a sports page. The rest of the space is dedicated to advertising which means that people seeking advice on personal matters such as marriage cannot be accommodated.
A social work graduate from the University of Zambia, Tina Banda, started a Facebook page called Real Life and Hot Issues Discussion Forum with Tina Banda on which a number of topics are posted everyday and responses given by other Facebook users.
The objective of the Real Life and Hot Issues Discussions is:
Our Ultimatum objective is to shape people’s lives positively and to become the world’s most effective BLOG in educating the public on Real Life issues.
The group focuses on:
OUR focus will be on INFIDELITY,MOTIVATION,JESUS & THE BIBLE TEACHINGS, POLITICS,FINANCE,SOCIAL -ECONOMICAL ISSUES,MARRIAGE /RELATIONSHIPS AND SEX, YOUTH PROBLEMS,EDUCATION,ENTERTAINMENT,CURRENT & HISTORICAL EVENTS,GLOBALISATION,BUSSINESS,TECHNOLOGY,LEGAL ISSUES,ECOLOGICAL ISSUES,FASHION,GOSSIP,CLIMATE CHANGE AND LOVE.We have chosen to come up with the afore mentioned categories as there has been various news on the same issues all over the world…..
A typical contribution goes like this:
Some men are fond of having a permanent girlfriend besides (the) wife. Some just decide to marry as many wives as they want (Due to GREEDY/SELFISH). Must polygamy be encouraged? Can a man genuinely love 2 women the same way? How fair is it to us WOMEN? READ STORY BELOW AND ADVISE Maturely.
Tina i need help very much. Am 33yrs old woman with three kids that i love so very much, i have been married for seven yrs now, and its been a sad stiuation that when my husband was transfered to mufulira he completly changed, he no loger sl…eeps at home, he has inpregnanted his workmet and now he has even shifted to her house and they are staying together, he realy visits his children and now the children are asking me wether i chessed there dad, the whole family have tried and have failed to convince him, he keeps on saying that i love them both and yet i cant see that love for me in him, non of his family members are happy abt this and they had a kitchen party and all his family members did not even attend it, i love this man i miss everything abt him, he pays rent for us and gives us his ration money but not as he used to give out, but i miss having that sweet thing in bed you know, i stay with his brother and i should comfess that i have stated going out with a diferent guy in the hood, and his young brother is suspecting that and he is in support but i feel guilt cause i have never done it before, please help what should i do? go on cheating on him or just relax until he comes back into his senses?
Please help me am dieing with this!!![sick].
A typical response from users goes like this:
Mwenda Sitali says:
You have bn brilliant so far but you ar now messing up yourself.i know its difficult and your ar missing your chocolates in bed.The best thing to do ask your husband to free u up(divorce) so that you can go and look for chocolates elsewhere with a free mind.Your husband is not being fair with u.He is getting his chocolates and you aint getting anything(selfish zambian men)Thats mental torture since you also have a nice taste for chocolates.merry xmas bt no chocs for you.lo[sic]
Meza Mphande says:
Dear Lady: Yours is a familiar case that has happened to many women out there in marriages.It unfortunately has been a trend and other people have come to allude to the conclusion that this happens at some stage in marriage life.But my advi…se is that DO NOT go on with this relationship with this man you are seeing now as you are now doing the very THING you are fighting against your husband.Correctly,so he is very wrong in his actions, regardless of what his side of the story could be becoz marriage is a high institution and there exists channels to solve marital problems that could be of a personal nature between the two of you. Remember,despite all this,you are still legal husband & Wife as you have not divorced.So for now,with all this turmoil, you will continue to devote to your husband.Remain faithful to yourself and him.
If you feel the betrayal is unbearable and cant continue living with him,then you can seek divorce in the courts and set yourself free to start another relationship, and be respected.From your letter, you still love him despite all this, so remain faithful for now, until when you decide to take the step i have put above.
Another topic on the discussion board is about lobola (bride price):
Should lobola correspond to the amount of investment that parents spent on the woman?
Pkapanya Kapanya says:
Nice one Tina! I dont think so. The man marrying is also worth quite something in terms of investment from his family. Id say it should just be enuf to try and compensate for the wman not being home close at hand to help her family freely unlike when she is with the husband and her key responsibilities shift to the man's family. However, i would want mine to be just enuf for me to be able to return incase thngs dnt work out or am not kept well. lol!
Victor Chanda says lobola is not a price for a commodity:
Tina, lobola is not compensation neither is it a price for a commodity. It is a TOKEN of appreciation to the woman's family on how well groomed she is. undersevedly this commercialisation is a misinterpretation of the basis on which this was founded. We are talking of a human being not cattle, to be paid by the highest bidder… Over the years a lot of distortion on this have evolved including the women putting their own price tags. A woman can be formally educated but that does not make her a good wife there a lot of attributes which make a woman a good wife.
The latest topic at the time of writing this post is about a man who had to forge a marriage certificate to register his son as dependant at work and now he wants to marry. The man says:
The certificate bears no signature only our names and name of marrying officer and the witness plus church date stump. A layer said he can challenge her in court but still i will be charged with forgery which in this case i may end up in jail and my employers cant tolerate it, this i know. This will cost me more than i can bear. I offered a lumpsome to make her keep quite but she refused saying all she want is me taking her as my wife thus threatening my fiancee. I forged it coz i loved her but not for a wife coz she isnt a marriage type. We agreed that child maitainance is the allowance she gets which is more than k2.7m per month. Plz what more can a man do to an ex
Asked what motivated 27 year-old Tina, a sales and marketing executive of a Zambian-based Kenyan company, to start Real life & Hot Issues?
She said she was motivated to start the Facebook version of Agony Aunt because of her passion to assist humanity in stressful social situations and occurrences:
I have always wanted to play a role in shaping peoples’ lives, laying [sic] information and enhancing decision making skills in people, motivate the low spirited/hopeless people in society and learn more on cultural diversity and how people from different countries share their perceptions/cultural values and traditions.
I also do not like seeing people go through emotional stress/suffering due to social problems because I have seen how we women are vulnerable in most situations and we fail to open up even to friends or relatives. I always thought bringing out hot issues of the voiceless women/men will always help one or two people on social networks like Facebook and now I get a lot of mails in my Facebook inbox just to have them posted on the Real Life wall so they can get various responses and experiences from other people.
“It is for the above reasons that I developed a passion to talk about real life issues that people got through and other hot issues of humanity affecting society.
Jeff Attwood:
Coding Horror: Trouble In the House of Google: If these dime-store scrapers were doing so well and generating so much traffic on the back of our content – how was the rest of the web faring? My enduring faith in the gravitational constant of Google had been shaken.... I can't help noticing that we're not the only site to have serious problems with Google search results in the last few months.... Anecdotally, my personal search results have also been noticeably worse lately. As part of Christmas shopping for my wife, I searched for "iPhone 4 case" in Google. I had to give up completely on the first two pages of search results as utterly useless, and searched Amazon instead.
People whose opinions I respect have all been echoing the same sentiment -- Google, the once essential tool, is somehow losing its edge. The spammers, scrapers, and SEO'ed-to-the-hilt content farms are winning.
Like any sane person, I'm rooting for Google in this battle, and I'd love nothing more than for Google to tweak a few algorithmic knobs and make this entire blog entry moot. Still, this is the first time since 2000 that I can recall Google search quality ever declining, and it has inspired some rather heretical thoughts in me -- are we seeing the first signs that algorithmic search has failed as a strategy? Is the next generation of search destined to be less algorithmic and more social?
It's a scary thing to even entertain, but maybe gravity really is broken...
Vivek Wadhwa:
Why We Desperately Need a New (and Better) Google: This semester, my students at the School of Information at UC-Berkeley researched the VC system from the perspective of company founders. We prepared a detailed survey; randomly selected 500 companies from a venture database; and set out to contact the founders. Thanks to Reid Hoffman, we were able to get premium access to LinkedIn—which was very helpful and provided a wealth of information. But some of the founders didn’t have LinkedIn accounts, and others didn’t respond to our LinkedIn “inmails”. So I instructed my students to use Google searches to research each founder’s work history, by year, and to track him or her down in that way.
But it turns out that you can’t easily do such searches in Google any more. Google has become a jungle: a tropical paradise for spammers and marketers. Almost every search takes you to websites that want you to click on links that make them money, or to sponsored sites that make Google money. There’s no way to do a meaningful chronological search.
We ended up using instead a web-search tool called Blekko. It’s a new technology and is far from perfect; but it is innovative and fills the vacuum of competition with Google (and Bing).
Blekko was founded in 2007 by Rich Skrenta, Tom Annau, Mike Markson, and a bunch of former Google and Yahoo engineers. Previously, Skrenta had built Topix and what has become Netscape’s Open Directory Project. For Blekko, his team has created a new distributed computing platform to crawl the web and create search indices. Blekko is backed by notable angels, including Ron Conway, Marc Andreessen, Jeff Clavier, and Mike Maples....
In addition to providing regular search capabilities like Google’s, Blekko allows you to define what it calls “slashtags” and filter the information you retrieve according to your own criteria. Slashtags are mostly human-curated sets of websites built around a specific topic, such as health, finance, sports, tech, and colleges. So if you are looking for information about swine flu, you can add “/health” to your query and search only the top 70 or so relevant health sites rather than tens of thousands spam sites. Blekko crowdsources the editorial judgment for what should and should not be in a slashtag, as Wikipedia does. One Blekko user created a slashtag for 2100 college websites. So anyone can do a targeted search for all the schools offering courses in molecular biology, for example. Most searches are like this—they can be restricted to a few thousand relevant sites. The results become much more relevant and trustworthy when you can filter out all the garbage.
The feature that I’ve found most useful is the ability to order search results. If you are doing searches by date, as my students were, Blekko allows you to add the slashtag “/date” to the end of your query and retrieve information in a chronological fashion. Google does provide an option to search within a date range, but these are the dates when website was indexed rather than created; which means the results are practically useless. Blekko makes an effort to index the page by the date on which it was actually created (by analyzing other information embedded in its HTML). So if I want to search for articles that mention my name, I can do a regular search; sort the results chronologically; limit them to tech blog sites or to any blog sites for a particular year; and perhaps find any references related to the subject of economics. Try doing any of this in Google or Bing
The problem is that content on the internet is growing exponentially and the vast majority of this content is spam. This is created by unscrupulous companies that know how to manipulate Google’s page-ranking systems to get their websites listed at the top of your search results. When you visit these sites, they take you to the websites of other companies that want to sell you their goods. (The spammers get paid for every click.) This is exactly what blogger Paul Kedrosky found when trying to buy a dishwasher. He wrote about how he began Googleing for information…and Googleing…and Googleing. He couldn’t make head or tail of the results. Paul concluded that the “the entire web is spam when it comes to major appliance reviews”.
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